Morning So the Duet Series is almost coming to an End . But it can’t end without having our Lifematics Category which tackles Life Pressing Issues and our own @Didi_dexsis and @brusselsneo ( Guest Writer) are goin to do justice to it … Sit Down and Enjoy
“Men really think with their dicks,” she asserted, and continued, “I don’t just get it anymore…I can’t even pretend to understand men. I am pretty sure that men are always thinking about sex. Men…they just want sex. They don’t have brains….they just want to have sex. They think with their dicks.”
I had been quiet throughout the conversation, but this time I couldn’t possibly miss the chance to lighten her sulky mood with a witty remark that could perhaps present some comedic value. I quickly responded with a wry smile, “but it’s…um…the same blood that passes through a guy’s brain that rushes through his veins and fills up his inflatable balloon. So you can’t separate the thoughts coming from his dick and the one coming from his brain because they blend together.”
“Whatever,” she retorted. “I really wish you could take me more seriously cos I’m hurt. I have always put my guard up and held my own. But John was so caring at first, like, he had this effect on me, it was strange. We clicked well, and I just totally forgot my previous bad experiences with guys and gave him a chance. Everything was great till we had sex.”
She paused for few seconds and blurted, “Sex fucking ruined everything. Men are dick heads!”
Then I asked with a curious look, “How come though? Like, he suddenly stopped talking to you?”
“Exactly,” she emphatically replied. “He just lost interest.”
I sighed heavily and felt sorry for her.
Her story was all too familiar, but I couldn’t come up with something to say, a serenading song to calm her birds. I thought hard but fell short. Then I thought, “maybe I could help her make sense of what’s going on. Maybe I could help her understand the behavior of men that she had fallen victim to many times.” Suddenly I remembered the tongue-in-cheek statement I made earlier— “you can’t separate the thoughts coming from the dick and the one coming from the brain because they blend together.”
So I started, “Ok, Tosin, you have to understand that some guys are just pure jerks, but even jerks hate to be alone. The truth is that we are all running away from ourselves; no one wants to be lonely. You see, we have a strong desire to connect with other people, and that’s why we seek friendships. But friendship doesn’t quite cut it. We want connect on a deeper level; we want to be intimate. And we both know that the very height of intimacy is sex. So you can see that our sexual urges and longing to connect with one another are really in the same melting pot? Can you see the connection?”
“Yes I get it, but it still doesn’t make much sense.”
“Hmmm…I confuse myself sometimes, so that’s totally fine. But what I’m really saying is that sometimes the guy doesn’t intentionally act like a jerk. The guy is genuinely attracted to you in the first place, and he really enjoys hanging out with you and doing everything special for you, but he’s not able to quite identify what drives him towards you. Is your sexual appeal titillating his imagination, or does he just really love your personality and presence? He doesn’t know because both are delicately interwoven. However, things become clear after the sex just like my sight becomes clear after cleaning my dirty glasses lens. Then the guy realizes he has lost his tingling interest in you. And that’s it really. It repeats till fade”
“Come on, Tobi,” she shot sharply at me. “Don’t start talking some stupid philosophy stuff here o. I just hate building myself up and learning to like myself only for some stupid dick to bring me down again!”
“Then stop seeking self-worth from outside. You can’t let your happiness hinge on boys or anyone else for that matter. You have to love yourself. Love is a powerful magnet; if you love yourself, you will attract love.”
“But….people always say that but it’s not practical. Whatever,” she said blithely, wafting her right arm in a dismissive fashion. Then she immediately became pensive and switched topic, “By the way, Tobi, I just thought of something you said about guys mixing their sexual urges with their need to ‘connect’ “
“Well, they don’t mix it; it just happens”
“Yeah, yeah. Um…It makes me wonder if that means it is impossible for a guy to be ‘just friends’ with a girl, especially if he’s sexually attracted to her.”
“Hmm…what a thought,” I said while nodding repeatedly and slightly pouting my lips. “The real question is if it’s possible to be attracted to someone yet still maintain a purely platonic relationship without something going wrong somewhere?”
She playfully shakes her head, “you have started again o! Just answer me jor.”
“okay, I don’t know. What do you think?”
It really does seem difficult, if not impossible, to be attracted to someone and remain mere friends with such person. It’s like regularly tending to an orchard full of delectable apples but being unable to eat them. Waaahhh! Even Adam and Eve could not resist! Same way we can’t defy our emotions and maintain “normal” friendship in such situation.
It happens more frequently than we all care to admit. You start getting butterflies for a friend, sometimes, maybe a raging boner ;). Your friend becomes the thrall of your fantasy, and you are thrown into the bottomless chasm of desire, but you put on a normal outlook and act as if everything is fine and dandy. The fact that you pretend does not mean everything is all good though. Most times, things get complicated and friendships perish. (Sigh)
Just imagine, you are attracted to your friend, but you dont admit it. You flirt, flirt, and suggest, but that’s about it—nothing else happens because everything is interpreted as gestures of “mere” friendship. You are longing for something more than friendship, but you don’t say anything because you are scared of ruining the friendship.
You really dont want to mess up the friendship, but it pulls you closer and closer, and the smell of opportunity fills up your nose. You have reached a bifurcation point— you either remain silent and slowly die inside, or give this a chance. Your friend (crush) starts telling you about this charming guy she just met, and you get a “titty-little-bit” jealous.
You decide to suck it up and confess to her, “Friend, I have something to tell you…I have feelings for you…” She’s absolutely stunned and replies, “I don’t feel that way…this will ruin our ‘wonderful’ friendship…let’s just be friends.” You are shattered, and your friendship then takes a downward turn.( *sigh* tales of the friend-zoned!)
The more one thinks critically about the possible outcomes, the more one realizes that this sort of situation rarely has a happy ending.
So is it possible to be attracted to someone yet still maintain a purely platonic relationship with no ill effect? I doubt it. What’s your take?
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