To My Unborn Son (Hoes before Bros)

“To My Unborn Son” are series of Letters from your boy Goldenmoses to his Unborn Son. lool 

I Hope his Unborn Son gets to read them thou.

Read Past Letters here —> To My Unborn Son 

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I’ve never really understood females, but then I guess I’m not alone on that, they see a stranger with a bag they like or a shoe they own and suddenly they’re best friends. Maybe that’s why their friendships never last long or if they do, they’re always filled with lies and deceit.

It was a friend’s birthday, and like we usually did when one of those came up, we all went out to have fun, fun meaning drinking ourselves to stupor and making enough noise, to make everybody around our table find somewhere else to seat.

It was exactly six months from the day we met, and from that day at the party, we’d managed to talk to each other everyday, even when we had a fight, we’d call to insult each other.

The sun was going down, and so were bottles of different alcoholic beverages. It didn’t take long before we started doing shots and after two, it officially turned into a drinking competition.

After 4, two boys were trying to stop their girlfriends from stripping in the middle of the bar. And after 6 we were just two remaining in the competition, myself and the celebrant.

As I was about to gulp the 7th, her tiny hand held mine halfway to my mouth.

I turned sideways and saw her disapproving look. It wasn’t an angry face or a threatening one, it was just one saying, you’ve had enough.

I tried to gently remove my hand from her palm while simultaneously begging her with my facial expression, practically saying ‘Please just this last one’

But she shook her head in negation, she wasn’t having any of that.

And as if to compensate me for the alcohol she didn’t want me to take, she leaned towards me and kissed me, and as it lingered, she slowly guided my hand with hers until I dropped the booze.

With my face locked into hers, I could hear our friends screaming ‘Ha Madam has spoken’ and I could feel her lips smile through the kiss.

After a couple more shouts of ‘e don do now’ she finally let go of my face, then called the waiter and ordered a bottle of water for me.

The water came and she gently pulled me up, opened it and practically forced half of the bottle down my throat as we walked out of the bar towards the car park.

We got close to her car and with my free hand I pulled her closer and lowered my head towards hers but then she slowly weaved my lips and pulled free.

‘Your mouth smells of onion’— ‘You know I don’t like onion’

‘But you kissed me like a minute ago’ I said with a smile probably bigger than normal as I recovered from the EOL

‘Oh that? That was different, I was trying to stop you from killing yourself’

‘Oh’

‘Yup’ she said with a smile that got me every time.

It was then I made a face that got her all the time, a face similar to that of a kid being force fed a bitter syrup and was about to cry.

‘You’re such a cry baby’ she continued, her upper teeth biting down on her lip. Then she walked over and kissed me gently.

Are you okay now, she said after a couple of seconds still holding my head.

‘Yup’ I said with a drunk smile and I started doing the money dance.

She laughed for a bit, then after she had me seat on the car, said she wanted to look up at me, even though she had to look at me without adding the car’s height to half of mine.

I did, then still standing she bent a bit and rested her head on my laps, which meant she wanted me to play with her hair which I did, and we stayed there in silence till I broke it.

‘Tayo’

‘What’ she said slightly raising her head.

‘I love you’

She smiled a bit then moved head up and down in affirmation like she knew I was going to tell her, then rested her head back on my lap, even though that was the first time I was saying it, but then I was drunk so I wasn’t bothered.

‘I think we should stop playing around’

Now she raised her head and stood up straight a sour smile on her lips

‘I think we should take this seriously’ ‘I want— ‘I want to date you for real’

By the time I was done with my little speech she was pacing around, slowly rubbing her temple.

‘I can’t ‘ she said finally stopping ‘At least not right now’

‘Is it because you think I’m drunk, I mean I could ask you out tomorrow when I’m sober and all if you want’

‘One, I don’t think you’re drunk, you’re actually drunk and two, no its not that, because I know you mean every word you just said’

‘So what then’

‘Its your ex’

‘My what now’

‘Your former girlfriend, my friend, she begged me and made me promise not to make anything official with you, at least not now that she’s still trying to get over you’

‘Are you— I stopped myself from asking if she was daft

I cracked a stupid word play joke one evening on twitter and it was in my mentions they met and agreed that my brain was on recess, so basically my stupidity was the basis of their friendship.

From my mentions it was straight to having lunch together and shopping, after a couple of cups of ice cream and high heeled shoes, they turned to best friends.

‘I don’t expect you to understand now, but please just bear with me, at least until she finds someone’

She was right about one thing, I didn’t understand, it was completely strange to me, I wanted to ask many question, one of which was, does she know we’re having sex? But knowing my ex I knew she was aware and she didn’t care, she’d tricked the naive girl into a friendship, and she had probably done a huge favor for her, so she probably called this as hers

I looked again and I wanted to say something, but I’d seen the look on her face too many that I knew I would be wasting my time, she was convinced she was doing something, something honorable, like an American going on a suicide mission.

I had a close friend who was madly in love once. They’d both known each other forever and they didn’t really know anything then so it was a little bit justified at that time.

They went to same secondary school and when they were in SS2, they decided they were in love and they had to do something about it.

Their first kiss was in one of the staff rooms, she was one of the serious students so the teacher had sent her over there to bring something for him. Immediately she was out the door, he was up complaining about some tummy ache that himself, the teacher and his classmates knew didn’t exist. But he was a very funny and likable person so after a couple of minutes of intense drama and making the whole class laugh, the teacher finally let him go.

On getting out, he raced after her like his life depended on it, after what felt like eternity, he got to the staff room and there she was sitting on one of the many desks that faced each other.

It was in that room that they had their first kiss, it was there that everything started and at that moment when their lips touched, it felt like they were going to last forever.

They graduated from secondary school and he got admission into a private university. Her parents were not that buoyant so she didn’t get that opportunity, and she wasn’t really lucky with the jamb examination so she had to wait two years to get into a federal university, but that didn’t affect their love.

At least not his.

They were far away from each other but he loved her everyday and with everything he had, so much so that he gave her the atm card his dad gave him and constantly credited for emergencies. He told her to take a dive into the pool of cash whenever she was low or felt like and what a dive she took.

Six years after their first kiss, she broke up with him.

We were on industrial training then and were scheduled to visit the company’s laboratory which was too far for either of us to drive so my dad had offered his driver.

I opened the door that morning and without him making a sound, I could tell his world was crumbling around him.

‘She broke up with me Bee’ he said with a smile so sad I had to hand him the orange I was just about to lick.

I’d told him several time, like I told my other friends, that I was going to make serious fun of him when his relationship finally crashed, but like most of my other friends, I could not make fun of him.

He was broken, I mean where’s the fun in kicking a man that’s already down.

I never really liked her, I never hid it, but there was really no need reminding him then since he probably hated her seven times more than I did that moment.

She had broken up with him via text, two text messages actually, she didn’t even have the decency to do it in person or at least over the phone. But thinking of it now, all three would have inflicted the same amount of pain, it was just the feeling of importance that would have varied.

She said she didn’t love him anymore, and she hadn’t for a very long time, he said he didn’t see it coming and I believed him, he was completely blinded by what he felt for her.

A month later, my neighbor, a close friend of hers told me some behind the scene tales when we were high.

She told me how the girl got disvirgined and continued having sex even though she told my friend that she was still a virgin and she wasn’t ready to lose it, she told me how she always mocked him whenever she was about to use the atm card to buy stuffs for herself, her friends and boys she was sleeping with.

She finished her several tales that day and begged me not to disclose any of the things she’d said to my friend, not because she was scared that it would come back and bite her in the butt, but because she knew it would crush him.

But I didn’t listen to her plea, because I had the exact opposite of what she wanted to prevent in my mind, I wanted to crush him, I wanted to break him some more because I knew if I didn’t, he was just going to recover from her then go ahead to play the fool for someone else.

So I went over to his place, woke him up from sleep and narrated everything to him raw and uncut.

I created a beast that day, and I was happy with the beast I created, because the beast I created didn’t go around hurting people, at least not intentionally, but then he put his feeling above all others not caring who got hurt or who didn’t.

I’ve never really understood females, but then I guess I’m not alone in that. The other day I was in some girl’s place and while we were taking a break between rounds, she was scrolling through her phone and she stumbled on her boyfriend tweeting at some other babe.

The alacrity with which her mood changed was a record breaker. She called him up immediately and without giving him the chance to even say ‘hello’ she went all out on him.

After a few minutes of screaming at him, he apologized and promised never to tweet at her again. She dropped the phone and turned around still very naked to see me starring at her. I didn’t say anything but from her expression I saw that she understood mine perfectly.

But then she didn’t have a reply for my unspoken accusation she just shrugged and asked whether I was ready to go again.

Loyalty is admirable, but at a point it becomes stupid slavery. Nobody really cares about the next person if its not convenient for them, so watch out for yourself, do what makes you happy first, then explain later.

Its still your boy @goldenmoses, stay tuned.

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Oh Well i am stunned also.

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Letter To My Crush

read Letters Here–> Letter To My Crush

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